Monday, February 7, 2011

Picture This: Day 11

(Romy, Michelle and the 'A-Group')
Day 11:
A picture of something you absolutely hate.
I run the risk of really pissing some people off here but this is my current annoyance. I can't really say that I hate it, but it is something that I tend to give too much thought too lately.
Smug, pregnant women.
I know, I know. I will most likely have EVERY woman that has ever had kids wanting to make sure I hear THEIR two cents on the subject, but this is my blog and as the administrator I can delete any comment I there.
The thing is that too many people that will want to make themselves heard will think that it is a choice that I don't have children. The same people that tell me that 'I don't understand because I don't have children', 'Just wait until you have kids...' need to show the same understanding and sensitivity in return. I want to snort back 'No, YOU don't understand because you conceived the first or second time you tried. You haven't had to dislodge angrily thrown pregnancy tests from the bathroom walls every month for the past three years. You haven't had to hold back tears or excused yourself from the room after holding the most precious baby in your arms and wanting so bad to be holding your own.
I know there are others that will try to be compassionate and tell me that they 'feel my pain' because they were once in my shoes, feeling the same things I go through. I appreciate that, I really do because there are some that have been there and I don't wish anyone to have to feel it. At the same time, and it sounds awful and selfish, those people will tell me this after they have been successful at having children. Its all empty support.
Ah, hell, at least I can have a glass of wine when I its not all bad.


  1. I can't begin to go into how insensitive the comment above me is, so I won't.

    Jen, I can't say that I understand what you are going through, because I have never tried to have children. I do, however, understand what it feels like to be unable to have children. It is a horrible hole inside of me that can never be filled. It is both the joy and the twisting pain of holding a child you love dearly but that will never be yours. I understand that feeling well.

    Often times at my job people ask me if I have children. When I say no, they reply with the same things "Give it time" or "When you're ready." They have no idea the pain they cause with those three words. My assistant manager even has the nerve to frequently tell me not to give up, that I can't be sure of what will happen. My family, and Marcus', talk about our kids all the time, as though its a given. How do you explain that what they think is a nice thing to say is really just the knife going in further?

    I too hate smug pregnant women, but I'm ballsy enough to add smug mothers to that list too. How many times have I been told I am "lucky" not to have to "worry about it." WORRY ABOUT IT? Are you nucking futs or what?

    I am sorry for your pain, Jen. No matter how many women are in this with us, it is one of those pains we have alone, that we cannot share, that even those who likewise suffer from can't even "understand." On behalf of all the women out there who will never apologize, allow me too. I'm sorry.

  2. I love you jen, Im behind you 100% for everything... I don't know what your going through, but Im always here for you


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