Tuesday, August 24, 2010

When You're Perfect

My house is a disaster right now. There is clean laundry in the recliner, five pairs of shoes scattered around the front room, the sewing machine is out and taking up space in the office and I really don't know what is causing the smell that is wafting from the kitchen. Speaking of smells, the Mr. has been butchering for his best friend to help out (its more of a help for us right now) and every day comes home smelling a combination of meat, vinegar and sweat. It is appalling. Every time he would come near me my gag reflexes took over and I would have to back away. It took me almost a week to recognize why I was so repulsed. Please forgive me for the lack of 'political correctness' but...he smells like a homeless person. He smells like a person that had not had a decent shower all summer long. He has been working very hard lately and I try not to give him a hard time but, yikes. The dog is overweight and now that the Mr. and I are both working full time, she never gets out of the house. I never make it to the gym myself and the longer that I stay still the bigger my rear end gets. My face is breaking out (after becoming an esthetician, I have become quite OCD about my skin). My cuticles are raggedy and sometimes the bills don't get paid on time. The truck is in the shop and the repair costs amount to enough to feed a small underdeveloped country. The other car is sitting in front of the house where it hasn't moved in months, its next to go into the shop. There is a film of dust covering it and it now looks like 'rich taupe' instead of the color it is, 'snowdrift white' (I made that color up, by the way). Life has thrown us many curve balls (some of the worst I haven't mentioned here and won't) but we know that we could have it much worse than we do. It is hard to remember that when we are in the midst of dodging those curve balls though. With the invention of social networking I start comparing my life to what I think others do or have. It is easy for me to think, 'Why me? Why is it that MY life is so tough and others seems to have it easy?' I look online and everyone else seems so perfect and I think 'What did I do wrong?'
I was just on one of those social networking sites and a friend that I have known for years was feeling the same way. I told her, 'Fake it, that's what I do'. I said it as a joke but then I really thought about it. I do fake it, most of the time. I fake that my life is more picturesque than it actually is. For me it makes me feel better. For me it is kind of an escape. When things get rough in the real world, I can relish in the small things that bring me joy. Today I treated myself to some delicious frozen yogurt at a local favorite yogurt shop. Dulce de Leche. It felt so decadent. It made my day and became my 'status update'. Last night I was a super ball of stress and woke up with bags under my eyes but today it was all turned around by a simple cup of frozen yogurt.
This is why I write about the 'little things'. This is why I write about San Francisco, cupcakes and day trips. This is why I post wistful photos, nostalgic art and classic literature I am reading. Maybe I am luckier than I think I am. I am able to fully leave reality even if it is only for a few moments at a time. These things are my escape. This is how I 'fake it'.

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