Well, Hello Hello 2013!

Happy New Year 2013!
I hope that these first few days of the year have brought you all happiness and optimism that 2013 will be THE year. I know that is my outlook.
I ain't gonna lie, 2012 was rough. When jokes were made about the fiscal cliff, my response was, 'Makes no difference to me, we fell over the edge months ago.'
The benefit of falling over the edge is that gravity takes hold and you pummel to the bottom at breakneck speed. Because of this, I am confident that we have reached the bottom and the only direction that is left is up.
2013 will be the year of the climb.

With every new year comes a new round of resolutions I fail to keep. This year is no exception. I hesitate to call them resolutions this year. I am taking the 'Whatever happens, happens.' approach.

The list:
1. Drink more water.
2. Become financially organized.
3. De-clutter and purge the house of all unnecessary items.
4. Go to church.
5. Make healthier food choices.
6. Start writing. (the blog, the 3 book ideas I have in my head...)
7. Learn some French.
8. Learn to sew.
9. Be a better wife.
10. Be a better friend.

The Food Break Up

It has been two full weeks and I have to admit, I haven't been perfect. I was super excited at losing seven pounds so quickly but then nothing. Not another pound. I had almost given up yesterday completely when I shoveled a sugar cookie and two fun sized candy bars down my throat...but then a funny thing happened. The crap food didn't satisfy me the way that it used to. I was looking  for that satiated feeling after eating a fatty, carb filled, nothing but sugar, piece of garbage. It didn't happen. Instead my mouth rolled over each piece of chocolate as if it were a foreign object. It tasted strange, almost plastic like. The chocolate felt like it was coating my tongue like candle wax.
Dammit.
I had found out that my favorite foods were no longer worth it.
I will miss you cheap milk chocolate. I will miss you sugar cookies (you are now far to sweet for me). I will miss you Flaming Hot Munchies. I may miss you most of all. McDonald's? I am so sorry to leave you behind. Your french fries and chicken sandwiches got me through a lot of emotional battles and for that I will forever be grateful to you for standing next to me as a fellow soldier. These goodbyes are bittersweet.
A few years ago I quit smoking (for the most part). The Mr. can't stand it and it really is an immature behavior as well as being one of the worst things you can do to your body. I had dodged urges for a cigarette for months. At one point I couldn't take it, I bought a fresh pack. I indulged in a pricier brand because I told myself  'If I am stupid enough to buy these awful things then I should have to pay for it out of the wallet as well.' (I fully believe that the government should tax the sh*t out of nicotine. Hike up packs to $15 a piece. It would help the deficit and if it forced people to quit because of the price to smoke then it ends up a win-win.)
I unwrapped the plastic coating and pulled back the paper surrounding the cigarettes. Each one lined up perfect, each one matched the neighbor next to it. I pulled one out and could smell the sweet earthy aroma wafting from the tip. I flicked my drugstore lighter and singed the end of it. I inhaled.
It tasted gross.
I inhaled again.
Still gross.
I repeated this process until the cigarette was nothing but the filter. I felt sick. Where was my mellow buzz? Where was that thing that takes the edge off? I had craved it so much and fantasized how it would make me feel. What a let down. All I had was stinky hair, stinky hands and a dry mouth. My head started to spin a little bit, but not in the way I had hoped. I could feel my stomach wanting to evict its tenants. I managed to keep everything down but it was an effort and now I felt awful.
Cigarettes had betrayed me and now junk food had followed suit.
Just like cigarettes, I am sure I will still have moments of weakness. Like that awful boyfriend during the time of bad decisions,  I am sure that I will have urges that I cannot control, duck into a convenience store or run to a vending machine. I am sure I won't think twice to suck down a Butterfinger without chewing. The difference this time is that the feeling that I will be hoping for will no longer be there.
Fine junk food, if that is how you want to be then I don't need you.

Hits and Misses: 17 Day Diet

I have completed my first week and have said farewell to seven pounds! That is a pound a day if you need some help with the math. So far it has worked out well because I actually get to eat, I actually get to eat food! What a novel concept. All those diets that I have tried before, I should have known something wasn't right. This one is working for me. 

It hasn't all been sunshine and roses this week though. While I haven't had too many cravings, I have found the hardest part for me is to make sure that I eat often enough. That and that I make sure that I eat enough protein as well. 

Today I will touch base on the hits and misses that I have experienced so far this week. 

In the last post I have explained some of the misses. One being Faux Mashed Potatoes. I had done quite a bit of research to look for recipes that would hopefully make me feel like I wasn't depriving myself. And by research I mean I spent hours and hours on Pinterest, but you probably guessed that already didn't you? 

I stumbled across the recipe for the for the faux mashed potatoes, read the reviews and thought that I had found what would be a staple in my diet for at least the first 17 days. I was mistaken. Now just because it was a miss for me doesn't mean that others will have the same experience. In the reviews that I had read lots of other people actually enjoyed them. For that reason I am including it here: 

Faux Mashed Potatoes

(modified from I Breath...I'm Hungry)

1 head cauliflower

2 Tbls heavy cream

1 Tbls butter

2 ounces Dubliner or other sharp cheese

Salt and pepper to taste

Clean and trim the cauliflower, breaking it into medium sized pieces. Place in a microwave safe bowl with 2 Tbl of cream and 1 Tbl of butter.  Microwave, uncovered, on high for five minutes. Stir to coat cauliflower with cream/butter mixture. Microwave for another 4 minutes on high. Remove from the microwave and put into a high speed blender or food processor along with the cheese. Puree until smooth. Season with salt and pepper to taste. You can adjust the cream and butter to your preference. 

The modification that I made to this was that instead of the heavy cream and the butter I replaced both with Greek yogurt. This most likely accounts for texture of how my attempt turned out. My cauliflower was pretty grainy. I also replaced the Dubliner cheese with about four ounces of reduced fat cheddar cheese.

I also experienced two hits. One came from the 17 Day Diet book and the other came from my own creation. 

Eggplant Parmesan

(from The 17 Day Diet)

1 lg eggplant (peeled)

4 egg whites

1 c. grated parmesan cheese

4 cloves garlic

Spaghetti sauce (or low-carb marinara)

Pre-heat oven to 400F. Cut eggplant into 1/4" slices. Beat egg whites and 4 tablespoons of water until foamy. Dip eggplant in egg mixture, then into FF parmesan cheese, pressing cheese into eggplant. Place eggplant on prepared baking sheet and sprinkle with minced garlic. Spray vegetable spray over the top. Bake 30 minutes, then turn and bake 20 minutes or until golden brown and cooked through. Cover with sauce, bake another 20 minutes and serve.

This was amazing and turned out to be the perfect Thursday night dinner treat. This next recipe is all me and I am pretty proud of it. It really is as easy as they come. 

Leafy Tacos

1 pound ground turkey

1 pkg low sodium taco seasoning

Bell pepper, sliced 

Red onion, slicedRomaine leaves 

Salt and pepper to taste

Fat free sour cream

Fresh salsa

Fat free shredded cheese 

Prepare turkey meat according to the directions on taco seasoning package. Remove meat from pan. In seasoning left behind from the meat add about a tablespoon water and saute bell pepper and onion. Add salt and pepper to taste. Use romaine leaves as 'taco shells' and add meat, sauteed vegetables, sour cream, salsa and cheese. 

Good stuff. I was able to eat four guilt free because I didn't have to worry about the taco shells. 

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

As you may have guessed by the lack of posting, I am again in the working world. No more wiling away my time catatonic in front of Pinterest ('See More Pins'? It begs me. How can I not?) I have redecorated my house about a gazillion times thanks to that website, all in my head of course. And just like every other pinner out there, I have both fantasized about glorious baked goods and exercise regimens...simultaneously.  Talk about setting someone up for failure...

But I digress. 

With this new job is the attempt at a brand new me. The Mr. spent a few weeks visiting his family in the Midwest so I took that time to reflect inward. I wanted to make some changes. One was to become more like a duck and let everything run right off me and not let myself get affected by things that I had limited control over. I have a few moments where anxiety takes over and I start to freak out but for the most part I am much more relaxed. The other was make some superficial changes. I am now a blonde thanks to Cocodoodle. I haven't figured out if they truly do have more fun but I will keep you updated. The other was to again try to battle the bulge. 

Being a little plump growing up, I had been on every diet imaginable since about the age of nine. Just at the start of the year I dropped 10 pounds in 10 days doing the Master Cleanse. Not the healthiest of means to lose weight, but effective. Within 3 months the weight had gradually crept back. I overindulged quite a bit with the Mr. away and vowed to myself to be strict in my eating habits when he returned. Over the course of three weeks I melted away 10 pounds just by watching what I ate and the portions that I consumed. 

My new boss at my new job mentioned that he had lost 40 pounds on the 17 Day Diet. He wouldn't shut up about it. I let it go through one ear and out the other for a few weeks until a friend of mine had mentioned that it was working for her sister. I did some research and read the reviews. There wasn't a bad one out there. I bought the book and waited for its delivery. 

I started the diet four days ago and so far have lost five pounds. 

Amazing, right? It takes a bit of work but it is doable. Let me share some of what works for me. 

Planning is EVERYTHING for me! 

The night before I started I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, chopping vegetables, bagging up fruit, baking hand held egg cups, making beefed up broccoli meatloaf and faux mashed potatoes. I was excited for the next day. 

I am not an egg fan and dressed these eggs up as much as I could. The first day I let myself believe that they were delicious, the second day they 'weren't that bad'. By the third day, I could barely look at them. The egg cups were a success, but like I said I am not that much of an egg fan. 

Onto the meatloaf and mashed potatoes. The meatloaf was ok. I made it with ground turkey and doubled its size by added shredded broccoli. In the end all I really tasted was the broccoli. I need to work on that recipe still. The faux mashed potatoes, in my opinion, weren't fooling anyone. Pulverized cauliflower still tastes like cauliflower to me...yuck!

As long as everything is planned out it is an easy diet to stick to because you can actually eat. 

Tonight is Eggplant Parmigiana. Mmmmm...

Be the Best

Here we are again....

It being the new year and resolutions being foremost in mind, I have decided I will not make empty promises about updating this blog. I swear I am starting to sound like a broken record. I am hoping to update more consistently but until the day where I get paid for these little ramblings, I can make no promise to do so on a regular basis.
Ok, now that we have got that out of the way.....

Happy New Year!

I believe this is the first year that I have not thought long and hard about resolutions. Most years I sit down at least a week prior to the new year editing my list to ten things I feel I might be able to tackle. Most years I am able to say that I have accomplished at least one thing on that list. I figure I would just carry over any resolutions I made last year but didn't fulfill and only add one more to the bunch. The one that I want to make this year is a little vague but easy to keep in mind on a daily basis.

This year I want to be the best I can be.

More specifically I want to:

Be the healthiest I can be.
Be the best looking I can be.
Be the best wife that I can be.
Be the best friend that I can be.
Be the best employee I can be.
Be the best Christian I can be.
Be the best daughter I can be.

and if given the chance this year....

Be the best mother I can be.

I started this morning by shaving my legs....already off to a great start.

Here's to the hopefulness of 2012! Can't wait to see what it brings.

Giving Thanks: Day 3

'Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.'--Hebrews 10:35-36 

Day 3: 
Today I am thankful for my age. 
Funny thing to be thankful for, right? I am 32. I have learned quite a bit in my 32 years on this planet. With this wisdom comes a confidence that I wish I had 10 years ago. I didn't necessarily have awkward teen years (because really those are all a blur) but I could have really used the wisdom in my 20s. I look back on that time and am so glad that I am 32 today and not 22, I even look and feel better physically now than I did then. With some of the idiotic things I did when I was younger (sorry mom, hope you're not reading this and if you are just remember how great I turned out), I am surprised that I can stand here today as an independant, highly functioning adult. 
Although I do miss the faster metabolism of my youth...20s you can keep it. I like myself too much now to go back and retrieve it. 

The Versatile Blogger

("You like me! You REALLY like me!"-Sally Fields)

A few days ago I was awarded the Versatile Blogger Award by my dear (real life) friend, Ellen. She also happens to write the AMAZING blog, Life on a Real California Dairy Farm. If you already haven't done so, you should definitely check it out. She writes about her life as a dairy wife and mom. This is something near and dear to me since so many of my friends make their living in the mud and the dirt, at the crack of dawn until way after the sun sets, every day of the year, through rain and 100+ degree days, providing food for (not only myself and my immediate community) but the rest of the world. I am so honored to have received this award and it is a reminder that there are other people out there in Bloggerville that, not only take the time to read my lil ramblings, actually enjoy them enough to call me out. My cup runneth over! Thanks again Ellen.

With this award comes a great responsibility. It is my privilage to pass it on. 

The rules that come with this award are to thank the person who gave it to you, link back to their blog, and pass it along to other deserving bloggers. Then, you must reveal seven things about yourself.

All winners in my book...

Paperback Writer

Panda Eraser

Red Hestia

Measured by the Heart

I rarely pass up an opportunity to talk about myself (as you have seen HERE and HERE). Lets see if I can offer up any new information:

1. I have an entire shelf in my bookcase dedicated to all things Martha Stewart. The collection includes several cookbooks, craft books, holiday specific books and about two years of Martha Stewart Living (if not more). I also have years of Martha Stewart Weddings and a coveted Martha Stewart Baby from Spring 2001. To my knowledge, it is the only issue ever published of Baby but I would LOVE to see it come back. I adore every thing in that issue. Yes, I am obsessed.

2. I am extremely anxious and terrified of what will happen with Sweet Temper Baking. I am terrified of its potential failure. I may be more terrified at its potential success. 

3. I get ridiculously, grandiose ideas. I have recently determined that it is hereditary. My mother AND grandmother do the same. My mother and I will call each other with the latest hair-brained scheme and spend the next hour and a half on the phone completely dissecting it to figure out how we can make it a reality. Once that is done, the idea seems to pass before it ever comes to fruition. It drives the Mr. absolutely insane. I think he is figuring it out though. I think he realizes that this is just how my mum and I communicate.

4. The latest idea? It has been in my head the last few weeks to figure out how to purchase an inexpensive home in the foothills to make into our family vacation home. My theory is why wait if it might be manageable now? This idea will probably last all summer at least, then onto the next. (A couple of years ago I was trying to figure out how the Mr. and I could manage a 'live aboard' lifestyle on a boat docked in the Bay).

5. I had something a little too honest written out for this one but decided against it. What I was going to rant on about was something that I am guilty of doing as well. I didn't want to sound hypocritical so I left it out. 

6. Ok, ok, here goes. Sometimes I get so restless that I could scream! I don't know if its this town, or if it is indicative to women my age but its something that just drives me bonkers. It is this whole 'Stepford Wife' mentality. Its this image of a picture perfect life. All the play dates, perfect birthday parties, half birthday parties, 'Which formula do YOU use?' 'Oh I would never! I only breast feed', pedicures, weekend getaways, 'my husband grilled this tonight for dinner' or 'I made that tonight for dessert', taking the boat out for the first time this summer, and so on and so on. I brag about and attempt these things everyday as well (did you expect the complete 180 to come so soon after I shared my love for all things Martha? lol) but when I really start to think about it, who am I really trying to impress? When did it become a competition to just LIVE? I like to make things look pretty and perfect and we all have things that we are strong at and things we admire in others, but when did this admiration turn into envy? When did it become 'Look at what she did! Pffft...I know I can do better than that.' instead of 'Wow, she did such a great job. I am so proud to be her friend'? I know if I feel this way that some of my other peers feel this way too. Why, as women are we always trying to one up each other? Why can't we just be honest with each other without feeling as if we were we would be fodder for idle gossip later?

Hmmm... still thinking I probably shouldn't have 'revealed' so much.

7. I love to read and it has helped me through many hurdles in life. I should turn to the Bible more for help but I don't (I do listen for God to speak to me and rely on our 'conversations' to guide me through life though). I make the joke often that I read 'The Rules' and tried them on the first man that I met afterwards to see if they worked. That man was the Mr. I have recently started another book that I am hoping will be the punchline for another huge life decision. I don't want to say too much more on that, but look for that book review hopefully sooner than later. I know that this final revelation might have been a tad vague (ok, HUGELY vague). Sorry about that.

That was my seven things. You might have thought I was drunk or high when writing those out but I assure you I wasn't. Just perhaps a little too revealing. 

How NOT to waste a day in the Valley....

(Pretty much...)

Friday night, the Mr. convinced me to unwind by throwing back what was only supposed to be 'a couple of cocktails'. Needless to say, the stress of work last week took complete advantage of me and because I thought that Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum had an adorable design on the front of the bottle (completely disregarding the fact that it was a very potent alcohol at 92 proof, in comparison to Captain Morgan only being 70 proof) I was paying the price the next morning.
I like to unwind a bit but the older I get the more I find that I no longer look forward to the weekend as a time of getting 'wasted on white zin' as I made a habitual practice of in my early 20s. Everyone has the same wistful story. The 'when-I-was-young-I-could-drink-all-night-pass-out-at-3-AM-and-be-fine-to-work-a-couple-hours-later' story. You know, the time in your young life when all you needed was a venti of whatever with an extra shot of espresso and a couple of aspirins to be right as rain? Oh get off your pedestal...you know EXACTLY what I am talking about.
Saturday morning, I couldn't force myself to get out of bed and  get dressed until noon...and that wasn't even a terrible hangover. Sheesh.
At this point in my life, I hate hangovers. Not necessarily because of how miserable they physically make me feel (just you body's way of paying you back for treating it like sh*t), I hate hangovers because they make me useless for the next 12-24 hours. I absolutely hate wasting a day off.
When I was finally feeling as if I could face the day, behind a dark pair of sunglasses of course, my mind wandered on what I could do to not feel as if I missed a day of my weekend. I settled on a little trip to my local used bookstore, Yesterday's Books.
Yesterday's Books is somewhat of an institution in my hometown. It was been in business since 1980 (a year younger than myself, if you are counting...don't try too hard to figure out the math) and has outlived many of its neighbors on the most popular strip in town. I have a feeling its in part to the ever changing, thought provoking quotes posted on the large wall on the side of the building. A favorite of mine from last month? 'A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit' (Richard Bach). I love getting lost in the aisles, always finding something unintentional. I found one of my most prized possessions there, a first edition reading copy of Fitzgerald's 'The Last Tycoon'. I always find something that I never knew I wanted but soon realize that I never could have done without.
Saturday I went in, thinking I would find obscure books on local history (which I did) but left with a handful of classics. 'The Bell Jar' (Plath), 'Death in the Afternoon'(Hemingway), 'The Dangerous Summer' (another Hemingway) and 'Philosophy in the Boudoir' (Marquis de Sade) made its way into my shopping bag for the bargain price of around $20. That's about as much as I spend on one brand new book.
After meandering around the bookstore for a couple of hours, I made my way to Old Plantation Coffee. Again, this is another long standing local business that has ten times more the charm than those cookie cutter coffee houses. I walked up to the counter and ordered an iced mocha. I was fully expecting to pay the already reasonable full price when I was gently informed that it was 'Happy Hour' and that my order would  be half price. Awesomesauce! I reached in and pulled out the ol' plastic swipe card but, because of the great 'Happy Hour' deal, wasn't spending enough to use it. 'No problem, I will take that delicious looking chocolate croissant you have in the case'. (By another sure to be a fast favorite, Pure Love Baking)
I sat down with my pastry in front of me, my mocha in one hand, the Marquis de Sade in my other and caught quick glances of the Giants easing their way to another win against Chicago on the television above.
I am so glad that I didn't waste my precious day off.

Sensing Sunday: May 08, 2011

There's a storm a comin'...

Hearing: After reading a magazine blurb, where the writer mentioned what was on her kids playlist at the moment, I have had Big Rock Candy Mountain in my head for the past two days.

Seeing: Headed over the Altamont tonight to take my brother back to the BART station for his train to San Francisco, we witnessed the most beautiful show of swirling dark storm clouds hovering over the mountain ridges. It was a sight to see.

Smelling: The Mr. just scrubbed down the counters in the kitchen. Its smells like some sort of cleaning supply, I just can't pinpoint which one.

Tasting: A lick of Dulce de Leche cupcakes I made my mum for Mother's Day...per her request of course.

Feeling: Strange, and exhausted (seems to be a theme on my Sunday posts). I had a Mother's Day heart to heart with my mum on the drive and it opened my eyes to things I am capable of and what might be in store for me in the future. Its strange to think in the terms that we talked about tonight. It wasn't a surprise though, I knew I would have to start dealing with some things that I have tried to manage through the motions of or ignored completely. I was just a little surprised that I was able to just take a deep breath and confront some reservations I have had. I still can't say what the future might hold for me but at least I feel I am moving forward again after feeling stagnant for so long.

Sweet Temper Baking

(a cake fit for a princess)

I have a friend that, after much debate and personal soul searching, has decided to accept another position with another company that will give her more flexibility to spend time with her family. I am very much a firm believer that family and personal connections should come first and a career should come second. I have had money and have spent freely. I have made peanuts and have pinched pennies. When it comes down to it, you make do with what you have. When I think of my past, I remember the moments I shared with the people I loved. Not once does an eight hour shift pop into my head. I can't tell you how much money I have made and spent in my life.
I can't say that money doesn't matter at all, that would be silly for me to say. Without money The Mr. and I wouldn't have been able to spend a weekend celebrating our anniversary last year at the beach. Without money I wouldn't be able to buy my cake supplies to indulge in the hobby that I love. Which brings me back to my original story...
Today, when talking with my friend about the new adventure in front of her, we got into the discussion of where I see myself going, career wise. I told her that if given the opportunity I would go back to school, get my degree in business and open a bakery and cafe.
I have been trying to perfect sweet treats for about three years now. It all started when I took a beginning cake decorating course through the local community college and it took off from there. After spending a couple of years focused mostly on cupcakes, I have now turned my eye to tiered cakes, pies and cookies as well.
Lately it has started to take on a life all its own. I was compelled to take it to the next level.
Sweet Temper Baking was born.
Right now I am working on small batch, made to order desserts but my future goal is to turn it into more of a thriving business. I ultimately want to open a shop to include coffee service, a lunch menu AND a tea menu.
I am confident that one day soon I will pull it off and the line of making a living and doing what I love will be happily blurred.

Sensing Sunday: May 01, 2011

(crowds cheer tonight at Ground Zero)

What I am:

Hearing: When my brother and I were younger we spent hours and hours listening to my dad's records that he had left at my mom's house. We listened to Simon and Garfunkel and wore out the Bill Cosby comedy records. Our absolute favorite was Don McLean's American Pie. We committed every song to memory without fully understanding the true poetry of every lyric. We really impressed our father by being able to sing the entire version (all 8 minutes and 33 seconds of it) of American Pie. On the way to the store tonight, it came on over the oldies station in reaction to Bin Laden's death. I sang every word.

Seeing: The horrible, ignorant reactions to Bin Laden's death online. Some coming from my close friends.

Smelling: Ugh, the acidic smell of vinegar and hardboiled eggs. The Mr. is making spicy pickled eggs and just finished the marinade they will sit in for about a week. Good thing he is keeping his little project in the refrigerator outside. I want absolutely no part of it.

Tasting: A little sip of Diet Mountain Dew. I am going to try to go off soda (and coffee, and alcohol...) starting tomorrow. Wish me lots of luck, I think I might need it.

Feeling: A huge mix of exhausting emotions. I am so proud to be an American tonight and beaming with pride for our dedicated, unrelenting troops and our stoic President. While watching a shot of Ground Zero on the news, tears welled up in my eyes at the sting of the memories I felt the day the towers fell and the collective fear we had ten years ago. We stood by each other then, hand in hand and stood strong behind our President and each other that day and the months following. We let the enemy know that we would not be taken down.
I am sad and disgusted today. The immediate response by many that I consider friends has been unnerving. Statements like '...you would think that the President went in and killed Bin Laden himself.' or 'We got one terrorist tonight lets work on the next one, Obama' make me sad that some of my fellow Americans chose to use their freedoms that our troops (and our President) work so hard, and sometimes give up their lives to protect. I cannot imagine that they are proud to serve for the purpose of Americans spitting such ignorant commentary.
My response to those cackling voices tonight...
'Tonight goes above political party alliances. Tonight we should all be proud to call ourselves Americans and stand undivided'

Sensing Sunday: April 3, 2011

(a little part of what I was working on today...)

Hearing: I heard this on the radio yesterday and its been running on repeat in my head ever since. It reminds me of when I was a high school freshman sporting my black body suit, plaid shorts, denim vest and dangling earrings all purchased from Clothestime. Ah memories!

Seeing: 'The Shawshank Redemption' over my shoulder on AMC. Although I love this movie, AMC this is no apology for your delay of the next season of Mad Men. Everytime I think of what you've done, only a stream of obscenities want to leave my mouth. What the $#&@ am I supposed to do until 2012?!?!

Smelling: Coffee, my lifeline.

Tasting: A ghetto s'mores. Graham cracker, Nutella and Marshmallow Fluff. On second thought, maybe just the opposite of ghetto, maybe a classy s'mores?

Feeling: Physically and creatively drained. Yesterday I tortured myself and took on three back to back classes at the gym (side note: I am in LOVE with the last one I took. I will be returning over and over again to the Burn Out class at Full Force Personal Training!) and I exhausted myself creatively today working for hours on launching Sweet Temper Baking. Full blog post on that to come soon!

Sensing Sunday: March 6, 2010

(Paris Breakfast by Carol Gillott)

What I am:

Hearing: 'New Slang'-The Shins. Has been stuck in my head for two days and I don't remember hearing it lately. When I found this video of it over Garden State, it started to make sense to me.

Seeing: Getting ready to start my lil French movie marathon. Marie Antoinette, Moulin Rouge and Chocolat. Thinking of watching them in chronological order. Or maybe in reverse chronological order?

Smelling: My French Cassis candle from Cost Plus World Market.

Tasting: Nothing, yet. Thinking of making some madeleines and a pot of Cafe Du Monde coffee to go with my flicks. I am saving making the beignets for Tuesday.

Feeling: I have been somewhat out of it lately (hence my Garden State reference). It has been a very stressful week and I haven't felt at all like myself. I am forcing myself to enjoy the time off of work that I have and doing things that make me happy. Today I am escaping to Paris via French movies and French food.

Picture This: Day 29

(The Master of Puppets by Chiara Fersini)

Day 29:
A picture of something that makes you angry. 
I have been a little overwhelmed lately. For the past couple of years I have been trying to construct a new perfect world for myself over and over. Just when I think I have it all, something happens and I don't. I have too many balls in the air and it is a struggle to try to keep them all up. Having to give up a certain amount of control is what is making me angry right now. I try to take on the world's problems and each time I do, it seems that 20 more get thrown in my direction. I take it all on with a smile, each time convincing myself I can do it. Each time suppressing my increasing frustration. I end up like a pressure cooker and at some point it has to all some to a boil.
I am bitter and angry this week. I am angry that I can't control certain aspects of my life.
I am aware that the only person that I am hurting is myself. I am aware that in the grand scheme of life, what is going on right now in mine will only be a minuscule blip in my lifetime.
In order to get past my anger, I have to be able to let go. I struggle with that.

Picture This: Day 28

(Monsters under the Bed, Mike Cressy)

Day 28:
A picture of something you are afraid of. 
This is a hard one. I am debating on posting with complete and total naked honesty that may make me more vulnerable than I ever wish to be (which is scary enough in itself), or....maybe I should admit to something surprising and silly. Do I take the easy route or the hard one?? Hmm.....
Easy route wins out...sorry.
When I was little, it wasn't so much the dark that I was afraid of, or imaginary monsters hiding under my bed, I was afraid that someone was going to come through my window in the middle of the night and take me away. I grew up when 'Code Adam' was implemented in every shopping center and when Polly Klaus was taken from her very own bedroom, during a slumber party. Neither of those poor children survived. It was a scary thing growing up.
I had a line of defense though...I thought it was a very legitimate defense at the time. The plan that I had worked out in my head was this. As long as my feet were carefully tucked under my blankets, and I stayed very, very still at any noise I heard, then a would-be kidnapper would never see me and I would be safe.
Excellent plan...right?
I thought so highly of this plan that years later when I spent my first weeks (by myself) in my first apartment (BY MYSELF!) in San Francisco, I put this plan back into action.
I had never lived in an apartment before. I never realized the walls were SO paper thin. Waking up one Saturday morning, I heard (what I thought to have been at the time) footsteps in my front room. I was scared OUT OF MY MIND! Survivor mode kicked in. Immediately I covered my feet and laid as still as I possibly could....for 2 hours!! Finally, when I thought it was safe to get up, I carefully crept out of bed and carried on with the rest of my day.
Come to find out, this was typical apartment living.
I still cover my feet, even though I now have the Pup and the Mr. to protect me.

Picture This: Day 27

Dad and I right before he walked me down the aisle.
(Photo by Noel Hadley)

Day 27:

A picture of you and a family member.
I have mentioned my mother, my brother, the Mr. and my grandmother. The one family member that I haven't said much about is my father. I wouldn't say that I am your typical 'Daddy's Girl' but my dad and I have a definite bond and we have become great friends. Every Sunday my dad (along with his dog and the Pup) walk for a couple of hours in the morning, rain or shine. It is our time to catch up. It is a time that I can get his advice on big life decisions and at the same time try out a joke to see if its funny. I love this time that I get to spend with my dad. I look forward to it every week.

Picture This: Day 26

Day 26:
A picture of something that means alot to you. 
I know that I rarely talk about it much anymore, but going to school to become an esthetician was a big life changing event for me. Unfortunately, right after I graduated, the Mr. lost his job and I had to look for more stable work. One day I hope to return to skin care and make it more of a career. Until then, I make it a big point to take care of my own skin.

Picture This: Day 25

Day 25:
A picture of your day. 
After a very adventurous weekend, more specifically the culinary adventure I went on in San Francisco on Sunday, my Monday was spent making my way through half my workday only to go home feeling sick at lunch. I had been up at 20 minute intervals since 4 AM (TMI??) until the time I had to get ready for work. Not what I wanted to share for my picture of the day but at least the kitty is cute.

Picture This: Day 23

Day 23:

A picture of your favorite book.
This is one of the hardest entries for me because I am an avid reader, will read everything that is put in front of me and I have been affected by so much literature that I normally wouldn't have considered reading if it had not been recommended to me first.
My first 'grown up' book that I read completely for pleasure was probably 'This Side of Paradise' by F. Scott Fitzgerald. To me, Fitzgerald has a way of evoking a feeling about the space that he writes in. I know that probably sounded disgustingly pretentious but that really is the only way I could put it. While reading his books, you feel as if you are in those rooms with his characters and sneaking peeks at their lives. From that book forward he became my favorite author and I have since read everything that he has written (that I am aware of). One of my greatest finds was a first edition reading copy of 'The Last Tycoon' (another favorite) that I covet.
Whenever I want to be whisked away to another time, another place, I pick up one of his books or short stories and I am on my way there.

Picture This: Day 22

(Organization is for Squares at Making It Lovely) 

Day 22:
A picture of something you wish you were better at. 
Organizing my life. Ugh...so many days I wish I was more 'Type A' and could keep my shiz together but in reality I am all over the place. My house is fairly clean but not nearly clean enough for the Mr.'s standards but then again he seems to forget that he used to have to hike through piles of laundry when he would visit me when we were dating. Its not as bad as it was then, he should consider himself lucky. I make plans but never get through some of them because I am so disorganized and such a procrastinator. Every year 'Get organized' is on my list of New Year resolutions and every year it falls to the wayside. One of these days (weeks, months, years) I will be better at keeping it together. Until then...where did I put my car keys???