It has been two full weeks and I have to admit, I haven't been perfect. I was super excited at losing seven pounds so quickly but then nothing. Not another pound. I had almost given up yesterday completely when I shoveled a sugar cookie and two fun sized candy bars down my throat...but then a funny thing happened. The crap food didn't satisfy me the way that it used to. I was looking for that satiated feeling after eating a fatty, carb filled, nothing but sugar, piece of garbage. It didn't happen. Instead my mouth rolled over each piece of chocolate as if it were a foreign object. It tasted strange, almost plastic like. The chocolate felt like it was coating my tongue like candle wax.
I had found out that my favorite foods were no longer worth it.
I will miss you cheap milk chocolate. I will miss you sugar cookies (you are now far to sweet for me). I will miss you Flaming Hot Munchies. I may miss you most of all. McDonald's? I am so sorry to leave you behind. Your french fries and chicken sandwiches got me through a lot of emotional battles and for that I will forever be grateful to you for standing next to me as a fellow soldier. These goodbyes are bittersweet.
A few years ago I quit smoking (for the most part). The Mr. can't stand it and it really is an immature behavior as well as being one of the worst things you can do to your body. I had dodged urges for a cigarette for months. At one point I couldn't take it, I bought a fresh pack. I indulged in a pricier brand because I told myself 'If I am stupid enough to buy these awful things then I should have to pay for it out of the wallet as well.' (I fully believe that the government should tax the sh*t out of nicotine. Hike up packs to $15 a piece. It would help the deficit and if it forced people to quit because of the price to smoke then it ends up a win-win.)
I unwrapped the plastic coating and pulled back the paper surrounding the cigarettes. Each one lined up perfect, each one matched the neighbor next to it. I pulled one out and could smell the sweet earthy aroma wafting from the tip. I flicked my drugstore lighter and singed the end of it. I inhaled.
It tasted gross.
I inhaled again.
I repeated this process until the cigarette was nothing but the filter. I felt sick. Where was my mellow buzz? Where was that thing that takes the edge off? I had craved it so much and fantasized how it would make me feel. What a let down. All I had was stinky hair, stinky hands and a dry mouth. My head started to spin a little bit, but not in the way I had hoped. I could feel my stomach wanting to evict its tenants. I managed to keep everything down but it was an effort and now I felt awful.
Cigarettes had betrayed me and now junk food had followed suit.
Just like cigarettes, I am sure I will still have moments of weakness. Like that awful boyfriend during the time of bad decisions, I am sure that I will have urges that I cannot control, duck into a convenience store or run to a vending machine. I am sure I won't think twice to suck down a Butterfinger without chewing. The difference this time is that the feeling that I will be hoping for will no longer be there.
Fine junk food, if that is how you want to be then I don't need you.